Chicago’s Own Pontiff Shakes Up Catholicism’s Take on Sex
Buckle up for a holy rollercoaster because the Vatican just dropped a bombshell: Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost, a 69-year-old Chicago native, has been crowned Pope Leo XIV, the first-ever American pope!
This South Sider stepped onto St. Peter’s Basilica’s balcony on May 8, 2025, and the world’s 1.4 billion Catholics are buzzing. But what’s got everyone’s tongues wagging? How this missionary-turned-pontiff might spice up (or cool down) the Church’s views on sex during his papacy. Let’s dive into the divine tea on Leo XIV’s vibe, his likely thoughts, and the fab impact he could have on Catholicism’s bedroom talk!
Meet the Windy City’s Holy Hottie
Born in 1955 on Chicago’s South Side, Bob (yep, that’s what his pals called him!) is no stranger to breaking molds. A Villanova math grad turned theology buff at Chicago’s Catholic Theological Union, he jetted off to Peru in 1985 as an Augustinian missionary, spreading love and compassion. He even snagged Peruvian citizenship while running a seminary in Trujillo and later serving as archbishop of Chiclayo. Talk about global glow-up! In 2023, Pope Francis handpicked him to head the Vatican’s Dicastery for Bishops, making him a power player in choosing the Church’s next-gen leaders. Now, as Pope Leo XIV, he’s rocking the red cape (a nod to tradition that Francis ditched) and preaching “peace” and “dialogue” to a cheering crowd. But what’s he really thinking about sex, love, and all that jazz?
Leo’s Likely Take on the Spicy Stuff
Let’s get real: the Catholic Church has a rep for being a bit of a buzzkill when it comes to sex. But Leo XIV, with his Francis-fanboy vibes and multicultural flair, might just shake things up. Here’s the 411 on what he’s probably pondering:
- Keeping Francis’ Inclusive Groove: Leo’s all about continuing Pope Francis’ mission to make the Church a big, welcoming tent. Francis softened the tone on hot-button issues like homosexuality, saying, “Who am I to judge?” about gay folks seeking faith. Leo, who studied with Francis in Chicago and shares his Latin American heart, is likely to keep this chill vibe. Expect him to push for pastoral care over judgment, maybe even giving a nod to civil unions or blessings for same-sex couples, without rewriting doctrine.
- Masturbation May? Maybe Not, But…: Okay, don’t hold your breath for Leo to endorse International Masturbation Month (that fab May celebration we love). The Church still calls solo play a no-no, but Leo’s practical side (he’s a math guy, after all!) might lean toward empathy. He could echo Francis’ focus on mercy, quietly encouraging priests to guide folks with compassion rather than shame. Think less “sinner!” and more “let’s talk about your journey.”
- Contraception Conundrums: The Church’s ban on condoms and the pill is a tough sell in 2025, and Leo knows it. While he’s unlikely to green-light birth control, his time in Peru—where poverty and family planning are real issues—might inspire him to stress “natural” methods (like timing ovulation) with a modern twist. He could also push for education on sexual health, keeping it holy but practical.
- Women’s Pleasure and Power: Leo’s already got feminist cred for praising the “genuine, meaningful” roles of women in the Vatican’s bishop-selection process. He might not ordain women priests (sorry, babes), but expect him to amplify women’s voices in discussions about sex and marriage. Could he open the door to more sex-positive teachings for married couples? Maybe a little nudge toward mutual pleasure as God’s gift? We’re crossing our fingers
- Tackling the Abuse Crisis: The Church’s sexual abuse scandals are the ultimate mood-killer, and Leo’s got to face them head-on. Francis took heat for slow reforms, but Leo, with his calm and decisive rep, might double down on zero-tolerance policies. His Peru days weren’t spotless—some whispered about cover-up allegations (which his diocese denied)—but he’s likely to prioritize transparency and survivor support to rebuild trust.
The Impact: A Sexier, More Open Catholicism?
So, what’s the vibe for Catholicism under Leo XIV? Picture a Church that’s still traditional but with a flirty, modern edge. Here’s how he might make waves:
- Dialogue, Darling, Dialogue! Leo’s all about building bridges, not walls. His first speech screamed “missionary church,” so expect him to encourage priests to meet people where they are—whether they’re exploring their sexuality, navigating relationships, or questioning Church rules. This could mean more open convos about sex in parishes, especially in progressive spots like Chicago or Lima.
- Global South Glam: With his Peruvian roots, Leo brings a fresh perspective from the Global South, where sex and family life are shaped by real-world struggles. He might push for teachings that resonate with diverse cultures, making Catholicism feel less Eurocentric and more inclusive. Think less Vatican stuffiness, more vibrant, relatable faith.
- American Sass Meets Vatican Class: As the first U.S. pope, Leo’s Chicago swagger (he’s a Cubs and White Sox fan!) could make him a relatable rockstar. His election already has Americans screaming “Everything dope, including the Pope!” (shoutout to Mayor Brandon Johnson). He might inspire U.S. Catholics to rethink sex as part of a holistic, joyful faith, not just a rulebook.
- Navigating the Culture Wars: Leo’s stepping into a polarized world, especially in the U.S., where conservatives want a hard line on sex and progressives crave change. His diplomatic skills (honed in Peru and the Vatican) will be key to keeping the Church united. He might lean on Francis’ playbook: stay firm on doctrine but preach love and mercy to keep everyone in the pews.
Why We’re Obsessed
Pope Leo XIV is serving main character energy with a side of humility. His Chicago roots, Peruvian heart, and Vatican savvy make him the perfect blend of grounded and global. While he’s not about to rewrite the Catechism to endorse your fave sex toys, he’s likely to make Catholicism feel more human, more compassionate, and—dare we say—a tad sexier. By focusing on dialogue, inclusivity, and healing from past scandals, Leo could help Catholics embrace their sexuality as a divine gift, not a guilty secret.
So, raise a glass to Pope Leo XIV! Whether he’s blessing St. Peter’s Square or cheering for the Cubs, this Chicago king is ready to lead with love—and maybe, just maybe, give the Church’s take on sex a much-needed glow-up.
Want to keep up with the papal party? Check out abc7chicago.com or vaticannews.va for the latest.
